Maybe…

I may not say to you with my words

How much, my dear, you mean to me

But my heart sings its own sweet verse

One day you will hear its song, maybe…

The space between us…

There was a time, not so very long ago

When the space between us made our love grow..

But all I am left with now is to wonder

Does distance really make the heart grow fonder?

Looking for an answer…

When oft to myself I speak

Within the realms of my mind..

An answer is all that I seek

To all questions in me confined..

Why…

I don’t know how many times I’ve cried taking your name,

Don’t know what went wrong and whom to blame..

That smile on your face is all I want to see…

Though the reason behind it is no more me.

:-)

I heard this song from ‘Bodyguard’ recently, and instantly fell in love with it! Its tune sounds very fresh to the ears and you feel like listening to the lyrics again and again!

A Question…

Pouring down like drops of rain, you came
A glance of yours made me ask your name
O! The one laughing like a flower
Your beauty seems to have a lot of power
To walk with you, my legs plead me
To talk to you, my heart leads me
Silently, when often to myself I speak
Your thoughts seem to reach their peak
Oh my beloved, I ask of thee
Will you spend your life with me?

No Words…

I got this mail from my friend today evening, and just could not stop my tears…..felt like sharing it with everyone here….

“Dear Frenz,

Please read this when u have time.. it is wonderful. I loved it. It is one from the CTS Blog. I am sharing it with u bcoz I loved it.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Monday 10:30 PM PST, Tuesday 1:30 AM EST

If only I had not upset her…..How stupid of me…..

I had nothing to check in and so I directly made my way to the boarding gate G7 after completing my security check…. I kept dialing her number … There was no response….Why wasn’t she picking the call? ….I knew it was early morning (1:30 AM) for her…. But it was not like her to go to sleep without wishing me a safe journey….

It’s our 1st anniversary tomo… I had proposed her exactly the same day a year back….. 1 year and it just felt like yesterday….. Last year when my Onsite travel had been confirmed, I didn’t want to leave without letting her know how I felt ….. She had accepted my proposal as I had expected….. Her eyes had watered when I had told her that I would have to leave the very next week, but she was quick to conceal it and congratulate me! She was like that…… always smiling… always cheerful…..never complaining…. And I loved her for that very fact… She had later got an onsite opportunity herself and is now in New Jersey….

I had promised her that I would be with her on this day….. Since we knew that the anniversary would fall on a weekday, we had both managed to inform our client managers well in advance to get this day off work …. There had been fights on who would be travelling and finally it was decided that I would be travelling to New Jersey….I had planned to return to San Francisco the same evening….Coz of the time difference, we would get only a couple of hours together .. but the thought of being together for even a short while made us immensely happy…She already had planned a whole lot of things for those couple of hours ….. I re-checked my return itinerary and then re-dialed her number……’Hiiiiii…call me back as you can see I missed your call this time…and yeah, don’t leave a message, just call again’…. I smiled…

Monday 11:20 PM PST, Tuesday 2:20 AM EST

If Only she had picked any of my calls………I kept calling her multiple times, but there was no response…..There was an announcement for passengers to board the flight ….After settling down, I re-dialed her number only to hear her sweet voice asking me not to leave a message but to call back. I tried one last time, before switching off my cell phone per instructions from the air hostess…

As we took off, I closed my eyes & recalled the last conversation we had a few hours back! She sounded as if she could almost cry in excitement… Cry she did, but for a different reason… It was heartless of me to make her cry for nothing…

Monday 8 PM PST, Monday 11 PM EST

Me – ‘Hi’

She – ‘Hi dearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……………Finallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, you are coming … I am sooooooooooooooooo happy… So you ready right? Your flight leaves in few hours’

Me – ‘Hmm yeah’

She – ‘When are you leaving to the airport? Leave soon… It’s already late’

Me – ‘Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm’

She-‘What happened, not feeling well?’

Me- ‘Actually, don’t get angry… I know you won’t, but promise me’

She- ‘What happened? Any problem?’

Me- ‘You promise me first’

She-‘Okay, I won’t get angry, have I till now…?’

Me-‘Yeah, you haven’t….Good girl’

She-‘Okay, now tell me’

Me-‘I was playing football today evening and got injured, I guess it’s a ligament tear’

She-‘Whatttttttttttttttttt? Are you fine? Why didn’t you inform me about this before?’

Me- “I had left my phone at home and just returned’

She-‘Oh my God! Is it very serious? Does it pain?’

Me-‘Yeah, severe pain & now swelling too’

She-‘Oh God, why did you have to play football today’

Me-‘Sorry dear, I think I won’t be able to make it’

She was silent…..I waited for her response….but after a while; I realized it was not silence …. She was sobbing softly…. Oh God, What had I done…..? I was just kidding with her ……I never intended to make her cry……Before I could explain that it was just a prank, she mumbled a quick take care and abruptly cut the call to prevent me from listening to her sobbing…. I tried to re-dial…But there was no response…. I received a ‘Will call you in some time, take care’ message from her…. I tried calling her back, but again there was no response…..

I did not get any calls from her later, nor was she receiving mine! I figured she must have fallen asleep crying and it was already past bed time….I felt terrible and guilty for making her cry … After my multiple attempts of calling her failed, I replied to her that I was fine and was just kidding with her …. I hoped she’d read the message first thing in the morning when she woke up….

Monday 11:45 PM PST, Tuesday 2:45 AM EST

My thoughts were interrupted by an air hostess who gently tapped on my shoulder to check my preference for beverages….I opted for orange juice … closed my eyes again… In few hours I would be with her…That was the last thought before I slipped into sound sleep…

Tuesday 7:00 AM EST

I was startled awake by a shrieking toddler yelling so hard probably due to ear pain… Yes, we were descending….. I was reminded of her ear pain complaints during descent… I noticed that off late I had started associating every action of others with hers… She was my first thought when I got up in the morning and before I surrendered to sleep in the night! And all this in just one year! I just couldn’t think of my future without her…..The pilot announced that we were going to land in a few minutes … I tried calling her once I got out of the plane… Her phone was now switched off, my message not delivered…

Tuesday 8:00 AM EST

I reached home… I knocked at the door couple of times and tried to look into the house through the windows… Looked like she was not in there…We had agreed that she would not be coming to the airport to receive me…May be she had gone out to get some grocery or stuff! Luckily I had a spare key for the house… I let myself in, made myself a cup of coffee & logged in to check my mail…. There was an email from her sent around 6 AM EST… It read

“Hey, I know u r gonna check this only in the morning, so a very very very good morning 🙂

Howz d pain in the leg?

Guess whatttttttttt! I am coming to SFO :)Thought of giving you a surprise! Then, why this mail? Well, so at least you are aware that I am on my way to you and can find me if anything goes wrong.. Nothing’s gonna go wrong, but just a precaution! Don’t worry!

I just didn’t want spend this day away from you and decided to come to you the minute you said you won’t be able to make it!

My flight is at 8 AM from here and I will be there max by 11 AM PST… We still get a day for us…how gr8 is that! Now I couldn’t book a return flight, so can you do it for me pleasssssse? Gotta go or else I will miss the flight… It’s the United 93, 8 AM flight from here…..so keep a track and be there at the airport to receive me, Okay??…. I love you and yeah, Happy First Anniversary, See you soooon dear

P.S. Forgot to charge the phone yesterday, so it’s switched off…so do not panic if I am not responding to your calls Okay! I will try to charge it here in airport as long as I can before boarding”

Oh God…She was at the same airport where I had just landed about an hour back almost at the same time! I got really angry at her for taking such a hasty decision without talking to me about it… Now I couldn’t even reach her… I rushed to the airport….. I hoped and prayed that the plane gets delayed….May be I should have replied to her mail…but she wouldn’t anyways have had a chance to read it… Now it was even late to think about it…

Tuesday 8:45 AM EST

I checked the arrival-departure board which indicated that the flight had been delayed….I thanked all the Gods and went straight to the United airlines counter to verify if there was any way to reach her and get her off the plane….I got to know that though the flight had been delayed, it had taken off just few minutes ago… I couldn’t do anything anymore! For a moment I hoped she hadn’t boarded the flight, like in the movies …I looked around to see if she was standing there somewhere in the crowd, with an impish cute smile! But no, she had indeed left…

I was exhausted….. I grabbed a chair and tried not to think how unfair this whole thing was…. We were not going to be together after so much of planning…

My phone beeped with a delivery report – my message had just reached her…. I tried calling her immediately… Damn, switched off again… It was not the time to sit and sulk about what had happened…. I had to reach SFO as soon as possible… I started parading the counters to see if I could get a ticket on the next available flight to SFO…

Tuesday 9:30 AM EST

There was a huge commotion at the American airlines counter… I avoided going there and was about to go past the counter when my phone started ringing….. It was some unknown number….I picked it up…

Me – ‘Hello’

She – ‘Hi dear, it’s me’

Me – ‘Oh thank god, where are you… I m in Newark airport… please tell me you didn’t board the plane… I am sorry to have upset you, I was just kidding… Why did you have to take such a hasty decision…? I m sorry, I know I am the reason for you to take such a decision… Where are you.. I am looking for the next flight outta here… Don’t worry’

She – ‘It’s okay… Look, don’t ask sorry. I am on the flight so yeah, you better look for the next flight to SFO and one more important thing, I think, well, all of us here think, this plane’s been hijacked’

She told this very calmly, I had to believe she was just kidding with me.. may be to upset me coz I had upset her yesterday

Me – ‘ha ha ha ha, hijacked, don’t fool me…’

She – ‘No dear, I am not… Some ppl have taken over the cockpit and we are trying to see what can be done.. I m calling you from the air phone… There are also rumors floating here that WTC has been hit by 2 planes’

I couldn’t reply anything… So this was the commotion at the American airlines counter… My heart skipped a beat… this can’t be happening… She cannot be on a hijacked plane… Please God Please… It was not that necessary for us to spend the day together… it was more necessary for her to be alive…

She – ‘Are you there? Listen, don’t panic… Can you confirm abt the WTC? I have got to cut this call now, Bye’

She disconnected before I could respond… I rushed to the AA counter…. Yes, the WTC was indeed hit by 2 planes… Most of the flights out of here stood cancelled now… I didn’t know what to do except to wait for her call and pray…

Tuesday 10:01 AM EST

My phone started ringing, unknown number again… I picked it up… I could hear a lot of commotion in the background and her voice was not clear.

Me – ‘What happened, where are you… tell me you are safe’

She – ‘Look, don’t worry…I’ll be always there with you’

Me – ‘What’s happening there?’

She – ‘Nothing, I want you to know, I love you & will always be there with you… Happy first anniversary, may be last too if I don’t survive today, ha ha’

I couldn’t respond… She was joking even at that moment…not even crying…Tears welled in my eyes…

She – ‘You there? Tell me you love me?’

I couldn’t

She – ‘Don’t be scared – Tell me you L O… ‘

And there was silence……

I screamed love you a hundred times…harder and louder each time…but it was just silence in response…Eerie silence…

If only, I had chosen to propose a day early or late…..

If only, she didn’t love me so much …

If only, I had not scared her and upset her yesterday for mere fun…

If only, I had mailed her that I was kidding and was on my way…

If only, my message that I m fine had reached her in time…

If only, she had picked any of my calls….

If only, she had charged her phone….

If only, I had told her how much I loved her when she asked me to one last time….

If only……If only…. If only…

P.S:- Though the characters I have used are purely fictitious, this one is entirely inspired by United 93. This was one of the four planes that was hijacked on Sept 11 2001 and only one of the four which could not make it to the target, believed to be due to the passengers deciding to attack the hijackers and take over the plane(which did not succeed). Hats off to those passengers who probably saved lots of lives at the expense of their own…

This one is dedicated to all who have lost lives in such terror attacks…

Just wipe off the tears and Call the person who is in your mind at this second and tell that u love them.

THE END…”

You & I, In This Beautiful World … :)

When I had not seen you here
When I had found something amiss,
Nothing seemed to be clear
Nothing ever was like this…
But now I realize, my dear
How beautiful life is! 🙂

What do I name this feeling as?
How do I calm my restless heart?
You seem to appear everywhere
And always blow my senses apart…
Your thought takes me to a new world
Where there is no end, and no start…

I’ll forget all my worries
And put an end to my fears
Your one look fills me with joy
All I want is for you to be near…
With you around, life is like a dream
Filled with happiness and cheer! 🙂

Will you cross the skies for me?

I recently got to watch the Tamil movie Vinnaithaandi Varuvaayaa on my comp (without sub-titles! 😀 ). Directed by Gautam Menon, this movie is about a Hindu guy and a Christian girl falling in love with each other, and the confusion and difficulties they face in their lives from there on.

Will You Cross The Skies For Me? 🙂

The story is very slow, with very few characters apart from Simbu and Trisha, but the cinematography and locales, and awesome music by A R Rahman, more than make up for it. Simbu looks very decent for a change, and Trisha looks prettier than ever! 🙂 …

There are a few songs from the movie which are my personal favourites :

Omana Penne : Sung by Benny Dayal and Kalyani Menon, this song reflects the feelings of a new love emerging in one’s heart. It is fresh and lively, thanks to Benny Dayal (of ‘Pappu can’t Dance Saala’ fame)

Kannukkul Kannai : Sung by Naresh Iyer, this song revolves around the wait that a guy goes through when he has proposed to his lady-love. Very hip-hop type, and great dancing by Simbu!

Mannipaaya : Sung by the legendary A. R. Rahman and Shreya Ghoshal, this is one of the most melodious songs of recent times. Soft and soothing, Shreya Ghoshal continues to charm with her magical voice 🙂

Anbil Avan : A very rocking number sung by Devan Ekhambaram and Chinmayi. The tune makes you feel like you are inside a church, attending a marriage 🙂

There are other songs as well, like Aaromale, Hosanna and the title track itself, which enhance the otherwise dull storyline. My suggestion is that you should watch this movie atleast once, for the brilliant music, fantastic cinematography, and for the ever-so-gorgeous Trisha! 🙂

New Story, New Beginning!

First of all, wish you all a VERY Happy New Year! …Hope all your dreams and wishes come true and your lives are filled with more happiness and prosperity than the last year 🙂

After a long sabbatical, I’m back to blogging….its been a pretty hectic half-year for me at Mysore, but now I’m back to Bangalore and have started my work life in full flow 🙂 ….but amidst all the work, there was something I had wanted to do since I was in training… and that was to write a story revolving around a confused guy who goes to this wonderful campus in Mysore for training. And after shrugging long periods of procrastination, I have finally begun working on it; and I have created a new blog totally dedicated to this story 🙂

You can catch my new story HERE. I’ll be uploading the first post soon. Awaiting your reactions and comments, because its you readers who inspire me to write more and more 🙂

Happy Reading!